Monday, October 18, 2010

I'm antsy

I can't sit still these days.  Maybe it's the change of seasons.  I would appreciate autumn A LOT more if winter didn't follow it.  Not a fan of the winter.  But I love the October transition from the grill to the oven, baseball to football (and of course, tailgating), the bonfires, the whole cocooning with hot cocoa thing...

We've been so busy with things lately I haven't had a chance to go for a walk and enjoy the colors of the season.  The last time I sat in the backyard with a fire was a few weekends ago with Hannah and her friends.  I want the world to basically stop for 24 hours so I can go for a walk, look at the trees in full autumn color and be a peace with the ice and snow that are about to descend on us.

Maybe it has to do with being by myself too.  John is out of town, Jim and Hannah are at school.  (For anyone reading this who wants to break into our house, please remember our two blood-thirsty pugs who will rip your liver out the minute you hit our fur-dust-bunny covered floor and our retired, very nosey neighbors who have 9-1-1 already programed into their attached to the wall, corded phone.)  I don't know.  I'm just not comfortable in my own skin these days.  Weird place to be.

But I am at peace with my God, as they say.  I am at peace with my family, as far as I know.  Everything else is up for grabs.  I'm leaving myself open to opportunities, whatever that means.  I have faith that I am where He wants me to be - I just can't see why, and therein lies the struggle.

I have seen God work what I consider miracles.  Who wouldn't trust what could do that?


  1. It made my heart ache to read this post. It felt as if you have taken my exact thoughts about myself and put them into writing for me.
    My restlessness is one of the few constants in my life and I'm not sure if its a comfort or burden. Maybe a little of both.

  2. Glad it stuck a cord... Be they burdens or constraints, I wish we all didn't feel like this. But - could be a purpose in it too. Never know.