Wednesday, August 25, 2010

When did I know I loved John

That question was asked of me today.  That's a tough one.  I knew when I fell in lust with him (I know that will completely gross out anyone under the age of 30 who would happen to read this).  That was when I was still living with my old boyfriend and his family.  Ironically my boyfriend's father got me the job where I worked for John,  I then became friends with him, fell in love and married him.   And I have to say the last 26 years have been pretty good.

When do you really fall in love with someone?  in my humble opinion--

When they are one of your best friends (but ladies, you will ALWAYS need your girlfriends.  Always.)
When you miss them, but are confident enough to know that they can have a good time without you - and when the feeling is mutual.  Time apart can be good.
When you just know when to give in, and when to stand your ground.
When you agree on the not-so-little things...  food, music, TV shows, movies...
When you want to tend to their needs when they are sick (And guys - it means A LOT when you hold a girl's hair when she gets sick.  Hopefully this will only occur when she has the flu.  I'm just saying.)
When you start completing each other's sentences.
When being around them feels more natural than not.

That's it.  That's all I got.  Maybe it will help,

but probably not.

Sorry I doubted you

These are two things that I was positive we did not need, but John insisted.  I'm Sorry, Honey.  I'll never doubt you again.

Friday, August 20, 2010

I wish

there could be a global game of freeze tag.  Time would stand still, for everything and everyone but me, of course.  I would sleep for a whole day.  I would read books.  I would ride my bike as far as I could peddle.  I would download 100 new songs.  I would write letters on actual paper. I would pray.  I would finally print 5 years worth of photos and put them in scrapbooks.  I would go through the stuff I took when Mom moved off the farm and linger over the papers in her handwriting.  Then I would go give John a hug and that would break the spell.  The special people in my life would receive the letters I had written to them on actual paper and they would know how much they mean to me.  

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Our baby

John and I took our baby to college today.  It was hard.

I cried - A LOT - when we dropped Jim at school 2 years ago and 4+ hours from home, but Wartburg provided closure for parents.  We gathered for a worship service in the chapel (Wartburg is a Lutheran school), then everyone walked into the courtyard and the parents were told to say their goodbyes and leave.  Jim went off with his freshman orientation group and that was that.  We left him with a group of people.  There was closure.

While Millikin is only an hour away and has a weeks worth of freshmen orientation activities, there was no set closure today for students or parents.  We had to leave her in her dorm room, all alone.  Her roommate was due back from soccer practice soon and the floor meeting was in an hour, but there was no group freshman hug goodbye.  When John and I walked to the car, I saw a boy basically holding his mother up as he walked his parents to their car - but that didn't make me feel any better about leaving Hannah.

I know she will be OK.  I reminded her - and myself - that she didn't like being a 4-H camp counselor at the beginning of the summer.  She had a hard time connecting with people and the days were very long.  By the time she left camp after her last week, she was crying that she would miss everyone terribly (and when we returned home today, we found that she received a letter from one of her fellow counselors).  I am sure that's the way it will be with college too.  That doesn't make these first two weeks any easier for her though, and that's what kills me.  But I know there is growth in this.  I know she will be a better, more mature adult from this.  I know in my heart that this is her time to shine.  We all just have to be patient and wait for it to happen.

I love you, Little Bits.

Monday, August 9, 2010


John and I are going to Haiti in a month.

Hard to believe, but that is the reason I decided to spew all this stuff on a blog to begin with.  Blogging is the easiest way to communicate with folks back in the States when in Haiti.  Go figure.

We are going to get Hannah set up at school, arrange for the dogs to be tended to, bid Jim farewell (he doesn't leave for school until around the time we leave) and we're off.  I've gotten all my shots and been primed with thousands of photos and stories from John and others who have gone before me.  I admit, it is still - what's the word?  Unsettling?  No matter how everyone has spun it, it is still a foreign country, teetering on a sort of unknown balance, that could go over the edge at any time.  Once we pass through Port au Prince, I will feel better - until we have to pass through it again to go home.

But to be honest, I'm more worried about being the best I can be while I'm there.  I'm far from being medically trained and I don't speak anything remotely close to Creole.  But I can smile, pray for the babies that I hold and give away the donated Beanie Babies to wanting and deserving kids.  I hope I can be more than that, but if that alone touches someone, then that will have to be enough.

Like everything else, I will leave it in God's hands, and try not to take it back.