There is a Cicada in my Sink

A large insect the size of a small aircraft carrier flew in the house last night when I let the dogs out. My stomach clenched into a huge knot as I watched it bounce off the walls and windows of the kitchen. I thought it was a June bug – a freakishly large beetle that would fry for 5 whole minutes when caught in my parent’s bug zapper when I was a kid.


There are few things I loathe - and am more horrified by - than bugs.

The bug settled someplace in the kitchen (EW! GAG! ACK!) by the time I let the dogs back in the house. I was in no mood or condition to find and do battle with that monster at 10:30pm.  It was already well past my bedtime. And of course, John was out of town. Every time something bad happens, he’s gone. It’s like he has a sixth sense about impending household doom. So I did what any normal person would do in that situation – I gathered the pugs and went to bed, shutting the bedroom door behind me. I locked it too. I’m not kidding.

I woke up around 3:00 after having a nightmare.  It was like I was trapped inside a 1960's Japanese movie.  They could make a moth look menacing, so just imagine what my June bug was like.

This morning, I had to empty and reload the dishwasher. Every move I made was very careful and calculated. I was ready for that thing to come out of nowhere, fully aware of the fact that I would COMPLETELY FREAK OUT when it finally decide to attack. I lifted a colander from one side of the sink and saw it – not a June bug, but a cicada!!! A CICADA!!! Within the walls of my house!!!!! A June bug is bad enough, but a cicada invading the sanctuary of your home is just downright traumatizing.

It fluttered around in the sink. I screamed, dropped the colander on one of the dogs and it clanged around on the floor – sending all three of us into a complete tizzy. My plan was to stay out of the kitchen until the thing died and/or John came home and got rid of it. (Note to self:  Could be a new diet fad – get a monster insect to keep you away from your potato chips.) But there is a plastic drying mat in that side of the sink, (which will be sterilized or pitched as soon as that menace is removed) and I decided to take action. The cicada came to rest in the drain stopper. I boldly pushed the mat over the drain stopper and trapped it. Maybe. Hopefully. Now I’m not sure. That thing is so big, I’m sure it could fly around with the mat clutched in its talons.

I was even bold enough to take this photo. John texted me just when I was about to take the photo and the sound of the notification startled me so bad my arms got tingly.

See it?  Yes, I did zoom in, and yes, I did crop this photo. Doing both has made me a little queasy. There was no way I would ever willingly get that close to such a beast - what am I, nuts?

Don't answer that.