The prayer around my neck

I have a necklace that has a charm on it that is a prayer “box.” Mine is cylinder shaped like this one, but the idea is the same.

You put a prayer in it and it is supposed to remind you to talk to The Big Guy every now and then. I’ve had my prayer charm for about 10 years. I think I got it when the kids were in grade school, and I haven’t opened it to actually look at the prayer in about as many years. There was a prayer that came with the charm, written on a little slip of paper, but it reads a little broad and generic. So I wrote my own on the back. It’s probably generic as well, but at least it’s my own.


“Dear Lord, merciful Father – grant me and my family the gift of discernment and give us the strength and courage to go where you lead us. Help us to see and hear you more clearly each day. Open our hearts to your will, and free us from the burden of worry. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

I thought about this all day, and in some way, it pretty much covers everything - at least for me.  Everything that happens to us "leads" us to or away from somewhere, something or someone.  And that worry thing.  That's a biggie for us moms.  Hard to get free of something we have practically perfected.

But I will try to remember and take to heart the prayer that I occasionally where next to mine. 

Life

Life.  Is.  Hard.

The absolute, most gut wrenching thing for a parent, is to watch their children experience this.  It's one thing for me to go through a rough time, but seeing my children go through it takes it to a whole new level of anxiety and worry - for me.  Heck, for all I know, they could unload on me, feel better about things, and then go on their merry way and not think anything about their cares and troubles - that somehow, they are all transferred to me.  But I know that's not always the case.  Umm Katelynn?  You think it's hard now?  It's just as hard - but different.  It's emotional.  What's harder?  I really don't know.

Hannah will probably get mad at me for putting this out there, but her and her boyfriend broke it off this weekend.  I like The Boy, I really do. But what are the odds of ANY high school relationship making it, let alone a long distance one?  The fact that the chances are very slim doesn't make things any easier for anyone.  It can happen, but it takes a lot of work.

One of my ultimate gifts on my Christmas list,  this and every year - I want my kids to be happy with their choices and to share their lives with the right person.

However many years down the road, I look forward to welcoming new people into our family.  Until then, I wish everyone a good, not-too-rocky journey.

9:57 November 23

I'm tired.  Got off work early (3:15ish), came home and started cooking.  Had Chinese take-out for dinner.  Jim got home safe.  Hannah went to get her hair done (cut and colored) and then off to a church youth group, college reunion thing.  Thanksgiving tomorrow, and half of the cooking is done.  I will get up at 6:00 to start preparing.  I want everything to be as good as it can be for the people I love and am thankful for - those that will be dining with us, and those that won't.

Well there you go.

It had to happen sooner or later and of course, Walmart had to be the one to do it.  Screw Thanksgiving and families spending quality time together!  There are credit cards to be maxed out.

Walmart is going to be open all day on Thanksgiving.  Anyone who knows me, knows my loathing for the Waltons and everything they have "brought" to our economy.  (If you're not familiar with my rant on this topic, let me know.  I'd be happy to share my views on the many ways Walmart sucks.)  Granted, I already hate the whole Black Friday concept, so this is just a cherry on top.  You would think that being a marketing major in college, I would embrace any new idea to make a buck, but because it tramples all over a holiday to give thanks to God for everything we are blessed with  - it just makes my skin crawl.  Here is a company where it's employees already have to have more than one job to make ends meet, and they are taking away the few hours they could have to spend with family and friends.

They fund studies on everything from the sex habits of spiders to what causes hair to fall out of a middle aged man's head.  I want a study done on what Walmart and other companies following their business model have done to this country and the people that live in it.  I promise the "middle America" that Walmart caters to are the same folks it is screwing over in the long run.

Random Thoughts, holiday edition, round II

I just re-read what I previously wrote, and I think I come off a little harsh.  I like buying gifts for people I love!  I love showing people I really care about them!  I think I'm just jaded into thinking that some people equate the number of dollars spent on a person = how much you love them.  Not so.

Have you ever given anyone a gift and you just knew you nailed it - that it was the best thing in the whole world you were ever capable of giving them?  What a feeling.  It is a rare thing, let me tell you.  I think the closest I came was when I stole Mom and Dad's 8mm home movies and had them converted to VHS (yes, this was a while ago...).  I just knew they would get a real kick out of it.  It was personal.  And it was good.    And the time I gave my Aunt Sis a little box I made in 4-H camp.  I slaved over that thing and was so proud when I gave it to her.  She loved it - or pretended to.  Doesn't matter, because I gave her my all.  Who wouldn't appreciate that from anyone?

If you haven't guessed, I'm working through all my holiday issues right here and now.  On line?  A little weird maybe, but whatever.  Holidays have certainly changed for me over the years.  Mom and Dad left this earth much too early, and my holidays haven't been the same since.  So I try to imitate my experiences with them - low key holidays (never on THE holiday - too much stress there) where everyone came together (on a day that was more convenient than the actual holiday) and was just allowed to...  be.

That's what I want my matriarchal legacy to be - that everyone gets together around the celebrated holiday and is able to enjoy each other's company.  Well, as much as family can. :-)

Random thoughts, holiday edition

Thanksgiving is in less than two weeks.  TWO WEEKS!!!  Do you know what that means?  That means Christmas is right around the corner.  Christmas = work, and lots of it.  I'm just not up to it anymore.  When I wasn't working and I was home with the kids, I loved decorating, baking, buying gifts...  Now that I'm working what seems more than full time, I'm just too worn out for all that.  Plus, I have to send all the cards and buy all the gifts for our customers at work.  I'm too spent to do it at home too.

Christmas cards have been permanently axed from the Krajewski Christmas to-do list.  If I care about you, 1)I'm probably facebook friends with you and you know all about my life anyway 2) I'll call you or contact you in some way that doesn't require me to buy a boxed set of cards and 3) Well, there really is no 3.  I'm not an uncaring, unfeeling person - I just don't want to do the card thing anymore.

If I were Queen of the World, this is the way my holidays would be:
Thanksgiving would be pretty must what it is now.  Love cooking.  Love family.  Love football and napping.  I thank God for everything I have and everyone in my life.  What's there not to like?
Christmas would be VERY different.  From what I understand, I would have liked Christmas circa 1880s.  There would be very little decorating - no lights!  Gift giving?  I don't think there was any.  I think kids were happy to get an orange.  Families went to church to celebrate the birth of Christ.  Imagine that.  That's what I want.  Much less gift giving and much more Jesus.  I am not a holy-roller for saying this.  I'm a realist. Christmas is a holiday celebrating the birth of our Lord and Savior.  What you can save at Target on an ipod has nothing to do with it.  Deal with it.

If you didn't get it by now, I have a deep seeded problem with people that have no interest what-so-ever in the birth of Christ, but are full-tilt into the whole Christmas buying/decorating frenzy.  Pick a lane.

But I have issues with that as well!  If you believe in Christ, and are into the Christmas thing, then do you really want to go out an buy a whole bunch of needless stuff for people?  Isn't that against everything Jesus taught?  Or do you want to volunteer at a soup kitchen or buy things for a family in need?

Anyway, that's it for now.  I'm sure I will have many more holiday thoughts, musings and threats as the days progress.  Stay tuned?

I want to go back

Earthquake, hurricanes, cholera - and I still want to go back to Haiti.

The November team arrived on Monday.  Please, pray for them.

Youth is wasted on the young

This saying means more to me every single day.  If you remember the movie "Peggy Sue Got Married" A) you're old and B) you get it and C) the outcome probably wouldn't be that different given any choices.  Peggy Sue got pregnant and had to marry her high school sweetheart.  But traveling back from the future, she knew what she was getting into, knew that pantyhose were on the horizon and fashioned some of her own, and still opted for the path that she had originally taken. BUT - there was a daughter involved.  IF she had not made what more than some would consider bad choices in her high school life, she would not have the awesome daughter that she did.  Well who wouldn't opt for being "bad" in that case?

But I'm talking about my life.

I did not get pregnant in college, thank you very much.  Nothing against anyone who did.

It's just that things are SO incredibly different looking back.  That guy I briefly dated in high school wasn't an asshole - he was incredibly shy.  The guy I dated for a long time - I didn't really know.  That guy that was SO sweet to me every day?  I'm sorry - you were more like my brother than my prom date - I couldn't get past that.  People don't all grow up in a farm house, on a dead end gravel road with the ideal parents.  There are black people?  Where?  Not in Warren County!  (Not that it was ever an issue, I just felt the need to throw it in there.)

I think about what my kids have experienced in high school and so far in college.  It is different than what I can relate to, and I respect that.  But so often, I want them to see things through my eyes, with my experience, with my knowledge.

They will know what I'm talking about someday.

All Saints Day

Today is All Saints Day.  At church this morning, the congregation remembered friends and family that have passed away this year.  Watching the slide show of photos, it's always rough for those who lost someone very dear to them.  It's rough for people that have been in their shoes too.  Seeing that raw emotion brings everything back to the surface again - hard and fast.  I feel for them all, and they will remain in my prayers.  

And since Hannah had a dream last night that I died and she was speaking at my funeral, I thought I should share one of the songs I want played at that time.  This one always gets to me.

Be Thou My Vision

Written by Mary E. Byrne & Eleanor Hull

Be thou my vision, oh Lord of my heart
Naught be all else to me, save that thou art
Thou my best thought, by day or by night
Waking or sleeping, thy presence my light

Be thou my wisdom and thou my true word
I ever with thee and thou with me, Lord
Thou my great Father, and I thy true son
Thou in my dwelling, and I with thee one

Riches I need not, nor man's empty praise
Thou mine inheritance, now and always
Thou and thou only, first in my heart
High King of heaven, my treasure thou art

High King of heaven, my victory won
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heaven's sun
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall
Still be my vision, O ruler of all

Vote

I had a doctor appointment this morning.  The waiting room is poorly designed, because sitting in a certain area allows a patient to hear everything said at the reception desk.  Sitting there for more than 30 minutes, I heard people spell their last name, confirm their addresses and  phone numbers, give insurance information…  It was a little creepy.  I certainly didn’t need to hear all of that and I suspect someone is going to abuse that information if they haven’t already.

At one point, the two receptionists had a break and started chatting.  One shared with the other that she would probably not vote today.  She didn’t see the point.  “One candidate is just as crooked as the other, so I usually don’t bother with these elections.  I’ll vote for the next president.”

Really?

Do they realize people died so that they could have the right - the privilege - to vote? Do they realize the power of numbers?  That the vote they consider worthless, when put together with other votes, speaks volumes on all levels of government?  They are so passive, that they don't care what happens in the country they live in?  In their community?  How many Americans have become that lazy?

If you don't vote in every election, never ever complain to me about the leadership of your town, your county, your state or your country - because you never spoke up when it counted.

I hope you voted today.  If you didn't - please do so next time.  And think about what it's like to live in a country where you can't.


(Unless, of course, you were going to vote for Bill Brady for Illinois governor.  Then I thank you for staying home.)